I grew up to be a people pleaser.
I was always conscious of my words and actions. I would always consider first the feelings of others before doing something or saying anything to make sure that my actions and words won’t hurt and offend them.
I didn’t speak up for myself. I would right away agree and follow if people would tell me to do something, even if sometimes it’s against my will. I won’t say no because I don’t want to disappoint them.
I had no stand. I was like an object floating in the sea that go wherever the current will bring me. Whenever there’s a decision to make, I will not make any and I will tell them that I will just agree to whatever their decision will be. I was hesitant to make suggestions because I was afraid that if I make one, it might contradict with the suggestion of someone else and this might be the start of our conflict.
I was okay to not okay. If asked to give my opinion about how someone looks or how something’s done, I will straightly say, “Everything’s okay”. Because I don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings if would I tell the truth. I will just say okay even to things that are not okay.
I managed to smile though my heart is aching. Though I was hurt with their words or actions, I will not confront them nor throw bad words back at them. I still pretend that I’m okay and still dare to smile. But when I’m already home and in bed, that’s the time that I will cry.
But in the later part of my life, I realized that indeed it is true that we cannot please everyone. No matter how careful we are with our words and actions, some people will still have something negative to say against us.
The first time I knew that some people were talking negative things behind my back, I cried countless drops of tears. I had sleepless nights and it bothered me both emotionally and mentally. I kept on asking myself why they’re able to it to me when in fact I’m always good to them, I’m always pleasing them though it means sacrificing my own happiness. And this was true because I was not exposed to this kind of society, the society where there is the presence of both positivity and negativity.
From then on, I started to teach myself to have a stand in life, to speak up for myself, to say no and to think first of my own good and happiness.
Isn’t it pleasing when you hear people telling you that you are a good person? Yes, it is! It feels good to please others but it feels even better when you know that you pleased people not because you intend to but because you showed them the beast and best version of the real you.